Amendmeant

My readers are taking freedom of speech to whole new levels when searching for my blog. “Satin manties” just scratched the search term surface of weird things people Google to find Amendmeant.com.

Here are 5 more weird search terms from just the last week:

1) “schwarzenegger’s sexuality”

Preposterous. Schwarzenegger supports gay rights, therefore his hetero-cred can’t be questioned. Everyone knows that only anti-gay rights politicians are guaranteed to be fruiting the loom. Isn’t that right, Roy Ashburn?

2) megan fox bink – Bink?

I don’t even want to know what this person was really searching for, but I’ll defend to the death his right to be pervy.

3) cause of man turning blue

Besides holding his breath? Let’s see…

- Watching too much Avatar

- Joining the Blue Man Group

- Holy Papa Smurf, there’s actually a dude that’s blue.


4) transformers 2 best picture

Obviously this was the best picture of 2009. What’s weird is that it didn’t even get a nomination. Keep fighting the good fight anonymous Goolger.

5) only billy mays speaks in all caps

What a bold statement. This term-searcher isn’t asking Google for results; no, he/she is telling Google what the results should be. Don’t even think about including Lil Jon, Google. Billy Mays has been speaking in caps since before Lil Jon busted any.

It’s commonly known that a picture is worth a thousand words. But with the advent of Photoshop, those thousand words can be as subjective as the truth you want to fabricate requires ( or at least as far as your brush tool skills can take you).

I attempted to nudge a picture of Barack Obama into a visual realm where at least two of the thousand words used to describe it were “camel toe.” This was before I realized I don’t own Photoshop and was instead using the Dent tool in Photo Booth to mangle pictures of my own nether regions.

Eventually I found a visual medium aligned to my capabilities, leveraging it to express my long-held belief that Obama really does want change.

Behold:

Can you spare some?

That’s right, we elected a homeless man who simply wanted change. Instead we gave him the White House. Typical move by the Dems. When will they learn that we can’t solve the homeless problem by over-providing social services (like the presidency)?  It didn’t stop the root of the problem anyway – like all homeless people, Obama still wants more change. He’s insatiable!

The Bad News:

The Amendmeant blog, much like a legitimate US government, is going on hiatus until further notice. I’m writing a book about my experiences in socialist Spain, which will hit the shelves when someone finally realizes my brilliance and decides to publish it. Say… next December?

The Good News:

Besides that which is found in the Bible, the good news is thus: I will be posting once more before the hiatus is enforced! I couldn’t leave you with such tantalizing promises of Euro-tongue lashing only to not deliver on that promise. I’m no mock-tease. So look for new post regarding America’s superiority to Europe in the coming days.

Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck, who prove that all great talk show hosts share names with great musicians, have once again done what other media pundits could not do: manufacture truth out of seemingly nothing.

Using their impeccable logic and use of totally non-hyperbolic metaphors, the Rush/Beck Supergroup has banded together to tell you how Obama means to use his new FCC Diversity Czar:

Bottom: Black man in culturally insensitive "white face"

“And this “diversity czar” comes from a fringe, radical, Saul Alinsky-type of background; and the things that he’s talking about doing — and I watched your show for the first half hour today — but the things he’s talking about doing to shut down radio are simply un-American. It’s not enough to say that it’s not constitutional. It’s simply un-American, and make no bones about it, folks, Glenn is right — and I think he’s maybe underselling a little bit about as far as their intentions are concerned…”

Ok… so maybe they’re not sure exactly what Obama’s going to do or how he’s going to do it, but he’ll do something, and you better believe that something will be as un-American as protesting anything during the Bush administration (or protesting nothing during the current administration).

But all the proof that’s needed is the Diverisy Czar’s first victim: the helpless, small-town software company Microsoft. The poor computer nerds that brought you the PC (which I believe stands for “Porn Collector”) are embroiled in a controversy over an apparently racist website photo. Microsoft was forced to apologize for “editing a photo to change a black man’s head to that of a white man.”

Yet the hands of the freshly whitened man in the photo remain black. This controversy has mixed-race president Barack Obama’s Oreo hands all over it: obviously he sent the Diversity Czar after Microsoft to promote racial diversity, thereby making Obama more appealing.

Not only that, but the picture only ran on the Polish version of the site, promoting the idea of foreigners, like Kenyan-born Obama, to silence the Birther movement. I have to admit, our President is one smart, illegitimate fascist.

Rep. Barney Frank (D-Mass.) went on the offensive at a Massachusetts town hall meeting a few days ago, attacking conservatives for their constitutional right to compare everything they disagree with to Nazi Germany.

The more Obama changes, the more he remains a Nazi-Socialist-Fascist Kenyan.

“On what planet do you spend most of your time?” Frank (obviously racist toward aliens) sputtered in response to Rachel Brown of the LaRouche Youth Movement. This after she smartly compared “Obama’s push for health-care reform to the policies of Nazi Germany while holding up a pamphlet depicting the president with a Hitler mustache.”

It’s a common liberal tactic: deny the classic, time-honored, 1st Amendment-humping right to evoke Hitler when logic just doesn’t cut the mustard (gas).

Meanwhile, Frank is acting downright fascist in his attempt to ethically cleanse dissenting opinions just because they’re outrageously hyperbolic, childishly disruptive, or based entirely on Glenn Beck quotes.

And how convenient is it that Frank happens to be Jewish, making it nearly impossible to attack him for his comments? Like Obama, Frank needs to provide proof that he is legit. I’d suggest finding a doctor to check to see if his “hedge” has been trimmed, but good luck finding an impartial doctor (i.e. non-Jewish).

Speaking of doctoring, I leave you with a quote from my source article – one that damns Frank most of all. You just have to be smart enough to read between the lines:

“Stand… with… the President… to look like Hitler and… increase health care to the Nazis.”