It’s commonly known that a picture is worth a thousand words. But with the advent of Photoshop, those thousand words can be as subjective as the truth you want to fabricate requires ( or at least as far as your brush tool skills can take you).
I attempted to nudge a picture of Barack Obama into a visual realm where at least two of the thousand words used to describe it were “camel toe.” This was before I realized I don’t own Photoshop and was instead using the Dent tool in Photo Booth to mangle pictures of my own nether regions.
Eventually I found a visual medium aligned to my capabilities, leveraging it to express my long-held belief that Obama really does want change.
Behold:
Can you spare some?
That’s right, we elected a homeless man who simply wanted change. Instead we gave him the White House. Typical move by the Dems. When will they learn that we can’t solve the homeless problem by over-providing social services (like the presidency)? It didn’t stop the root of the problem anyway – like all homeless people, Obama still wants more change. He’s insatiable!
While hiking through Spain, I stayed in hostels designated specifically for pilgrims. I was forced to participate in this communal boarding situation because Europeans don’t accept equal value for the Dollar, even if you inform them that the amount of cocaine nestled in American greenbacks more than makes up for the dismal exchange rate.
Liberal attire, even by European standards.
But I digress.
Staying in the same room with dozens of Europeans on a nightly basis, I began to see some patterns. For instance, everywhere I turned I saw little black panties. Unfortunately the loins on which they were precariously girded belonged almost exclusively to middle-aged men.
[Disturbing, hyphenated adjectives] Sparsely leg-haired, Grover-bodied (pot-bellied, skinny everywhere else) middle-aged men. And the offending undergarments-cum-outer-torment weren’t boxers, mind you. Not boxers, not even briefs, but hip-hugging, perma-wedgied, black satin manties. [/disturbing, hyphenated adjectives]
That’s right, manties. Man + Panties = Manties.
If you’re European, male, and between the ages of 30 and dead, you’re wearing them right now. Don’t deny it.
But what can you, the modest pant wearing American do to prevent further outrage to the senses when visit countries less fortunate than ours? I have no idea. I just felt it unfair that I had to bear the constant barrage while everyone else spent their nights idly not being forced to watch men parade about in overripe banana hammocks.
Also, it was a great reminder that the United States is the best country in the world, a country where we have the freedom to force other people to feel bad about their freedom, thereby ensuing that tiny undies will always be frowned upon by opinionated Americans everywhere. God bless America. Now put some pants on.
The Amendmeant blog, much like a legitimate US government, is going on hiatus until further notice. I’m writing a book about my experiences in socialist Spain, which will hit the shelves when someone finally realizes my brilliance and decides to publish it. Say… next December?
The Good News:
Besides that which is found in the Bible, the good news is thus: I will be posting once more before the hiatus is enforced! I couldn’t leave you with such tantalizing promises of Euro-tongue lashing only to not deliver on that promise. I’m no mock-tease. So look for new post regarding America’s superiority to Europe in the coming days.
As an American I’m blessed with the best health care money can buy (money not included), apple pie that is truly as American as, and the lofty status of being good at math compared to other Americans.
This is why I’m going to spend six weeks traveling through Spain. I’ll get there mainly by a plane.
Like Hemingway going into the trenches to report on the Spanish Revolution, I will truly appreciate my life of luxury only when I’ve reported on the horrors of life in socialist Spain. Also like Hemingway, I’ll be drunk the whole time.
Because I’m inquisitive by nature, and plan on asking many questions, I’m calling my journey The Spanish Inquisition - catchy, no?
While abroad, I will occasionally update Amendmeant with photos I’ve taken of socialism in action. From children sharing toys to the elderly living on social security, I’ll unearth the terrible images that make up the daily lives of the Spanish people.
I’ll be back soon with more on on The Spanish Inquisition in the coming weeks.
Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck, who prove that all great talk show hosts share names with great musicians, have once again done what other media pundits could not do: manufacture truth out of seemingly nothing.
Using their impeccable logic and use of totally non-hyperbolic metaphors, the Rush/Beck Supergroup has banded together to tell you how Obama means to use his new FCC Diversity Czar:
Bottom: Black man in culturally insensitive "white face"
“And this “diversity czar” comes from a fringe, radical, Saul Alinsky-type of background; and the things that he’s talking about doing — and I watched your show for the first half hour today — but the things he’s talking about doing to shut down radio are simply un-American. It’s not enough to say that it’s not constitutional. It’s simply un-American, and make no bones about it, folks, Glenn is right — and I think he’s maybe underselling a little bit about as far as their intentions are concerned…”
Ok… so maybe they’re not sure exactly what Obama’s going to do or how he’s going to do it, but he’ll do something, and you better believe that something will be as un-American as protesting anything during the Bush administration (or protesting nothing during the current administration).
But all the proof that’s needed is the Diverisy Czar’s first victim: the helpless, small-town software company Microsoft. The poor computer nerds that brought you the PC (which I believe stands for “Porn Collector”) are embroiled in a controversy over an apparently racist website photo. Microsoft was forced to apologize for “editing a photo to change a black man’s head to that of a white man.”
Yet the hands of the freshly whitened man in the photo remain black. This controversy has mixed-race president Barack Obama’s Oreo hands all over it: obviously he sent the Diversity Czar after Microsoft to promote racial diversity, thereby making Obama more appealing.
Not only that, but the picture only ran on the Polish version of the site, promoting the idea of foreigners, like Kenyan-born Obama, to silence the Birther movement. I have to admit, our President is one smart, illegitimate fascist.
Written by Hitler → Written by someone often compared to Hitler
Mein Kampf translates to My Struggle → Considered Obama’s primary struggle
Despite strong opinions, no one has actually read it due to its tremendous length and tediousness → ditto
Hitler originally wanted to call his book Four and a Half Years (of Fighting) Against Lies, Stupidity and Cowardice → Has caused four and a half months of political lies, stupidity, and cowardice
Due to the German-to-English translation, some passages are interpreted incorrectly → Due to the English-to-confirmation bias translation, some passages are never interpreted correctly
Without the extermination of the Jews, Hitler’s “struggle” is rendered useless → Without the single payer/public option, Obama’s health care plan is rendered useless
→ Question: Are these merely coincidences, or does mentioning them together subconsciously connect the Health Care Bill to Nazi Germany in all future interactions?
The more Obama changes, the more he remains a Nazi-Socialist-Fascist Kenyan.
“On what planet do you spend most of your time?” Frank (obviously racist toward aliens) sputtered in response to Rachel Brown of the LaRouche Youth Movement. This after she smartly compared “Obama’s push for health-care reform to the policies of Nazi Germany while holding up a pamphlet depicting the president with a Hitler mustache.”
It’s a common liberal tactic: deny the classic, time-honored, 1st Amendment-humping right to evoke Hitler when logic just doesn’t cut the mustard (gas).
Meanwhile, Frank is acting downright fascist in his attempt to ethically cleanse dissenting opinions just because they’re outrageously hyperbolic, childishly disruptive, or based entirely on Glenn Beck quotes.
And how convenient is it that Frank happens to be Jewish, making it nearly impossible to attack him for his comments? Like Obama, Frank needs to provide proof that he is legit. I’d suggest finding a doctor to check to see if his “hedge” has been trimmed, but good luck finding an impartial doctor (i.e. non-Jewish).
Speaking of doctoring, I leave you with a quote from my source article – one that damns Frank most of all. You just have to be smart enough to read between the lines:
“Stand… with… the President… to look like Hitler and… increase health care to the Nazis.”
Fox News have proven once again they are the only news giant with the cajones to live up to their “fair and balanced” tagline – by balancing truth with lies.
That’s right, Fox finally brought free speech to journalism. Just as a great novel tells a far more poignant truth through imaginary events, so does Fox News. They’re basically the War and Peace of journalism (minus that extraneous “Peace” nonsense).
A Florida Appeals court ruled against fired journalist Jane Akre (lesbian baby-puncher), who alleged she “was pressured by Fox Television management and lawyers to air what she knew and documented to be false information.” And she didn’t even say thank you. Instead, she took Fox to court – all for showing her how to (ab)use her 1st Amendment rights.
Some argue that new organizations should be held to a stricter standard than the general public, and furthermore, as the so-called “4th branch of government,” that we can’t trust them to keep the politicians honest when blah, blah, blah… halfway through one of these rants I tend to practice my 1st Amendment right to zone out.
Fox and their lawyers realize that we must protect our right to free speech at ALL COSTS. Except of course the cost of possibly losing viewers in key demographics. One look at Fox’s ratings will tell you the viewers don’t lie… so Fox lies to the viewers.
In Part 1 of my epic 2 Part series on Michael Jackson’s death, I broke down Farhan’s YouTube video which proves you can’t become famous unless the Illuminati helps you become famous. So when MJ didn’t agree to their Satanic wishes, the Illuminati killed him just before he was about to become a star. It’s a real shame, too – I was listening to some of his rarely heard 80s albums and they’re pretty catchy.
Farhan’s follow up to Part 1 brings even more shocking discoveries – such as the Obama slogan “Yes We Can” sounding like “Thank You Satan” when played backwards, proving the Illuminati even has the ability to add syllables to words when reversed. Perverse technology indeed.
The subconscious effect of this back-asswards dialogue is profound. In fact, I’ve been studying it so thoroughly that I’ve begun to hear only the reverse version of what people write and say in order to find out if they’re part of the Illuminati. It is due to this heightened listening ability that I know that Farhan only speaks the truth, because all I hear when I read/listen to him is complete gibberish. No Satanic messages, just plain old gibberish.
After the set up, Farhan’s video allows MJ’s to speak for himself. Who better to provide evidence for a murder than he who has been murdered? And who better to trust than the historically sane and sober Michael Jackson?
The video ends with the ghost of Michael Jackson being captured by CNN cameras at his Neverland Ranch. It was obviously his ghost and not a shadow because, like Peter Pan, Michael Jackson lost his in the real world, leaving him shadowless whenever he returns to Neverland. I assume the same applies to all shadows in Neverland.
The scariest part about the Peter Pan connection? The Illuminati is as vicious – and as real – as Captain Hook.
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More on hidden backwards messages:
Anyone who believes the Illuminati is in charge and wants to stop them, please turn your head upside down to read the following:
...because both days start with the same letter as Truth (and because posting more frequently is quite taxing, and I don’t like anything related to taxes).
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