Amendmeant

Seagulls off the coast of Argentina have learned to feed on whales by pecking through their skin and feasting on the blubber below like it’s an all you can eat Eskimo buffet. You can see the carnage here, but I warn you, it’s not for those who hate seafood.

First off, gross. Secondly, it’s clear where these vicious albino water-crows learned to feast non-stop on such an enormous food source – cruise ships. Look at the side-by-side comparison:

As made evident by this scientifically sound comparative table, the similarities are no coincidence. Sure, birds eat mammals and sea creatures, but sea-mammals? That’s just unnatural, and we have only ourselves to blame.

I’ve always held that water-buoyed dining is of the Devil. Doctors have been warning us for years to wait at least 30 minutes before swimming in a vain attempt to keep us as far away from aqua dining as possible.

This unfortunate turn of events has bird rights-wingers and cruise fans alike eating (albino water-)crow. Our former feathered friends have even started pooping in people’s mouths (something they surely learned from the internet, you sick bastards).

Where will this animal-initiated anthropomorphization end? A Refuse to Cruise campaign is a start. Try driving to the Bahamas instead. Preferrably in a brand new American car. It’ll boost our sinking economy, and if your car literally sinks, the government already said it’ll pick up the tab.