Potent Quotables – Fox News Host Decries Interspecies Weddings

July 14, 2009

Watch as I attempt to squeeze even more truth into some of the truest words of wisdom ever uttered. A challenge indeed. Send your Potent Quotes to amendmeant@gmail.com.

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Potent Quote:

“We keep marrying other species and other ethnics… The problem is the Swedes have pure genes. They marry other Swedes, that’s the rule. Finns marry other Finns; they have a pure society. In America we marry everybody. We will marry Italians and Irish.”

Fox & Friends host Brian Kilmeade, referring to a Scandinavian study that states that those that stay married fend off Alzheimer’s and dementia better than lonely divorcees… and why Americans don’t apply to this study.

Potent Analysis:

Brian Kilmeade points out the oft ignored second type of Opposite Marriage (the first of course being between a male and female). Obviously he’s drawing a connection between the two types of Opposite Marriage to make his point.

First, we have Opposite Marriage proponent and Miss California Carrie Prejean. Kilmeade realizes that Prejean’s views on marriage are sound, but at the same time uses her to prove his point that the Scandinavian study does not apply to Americans.

Prejean no doubt is showing early signs of dementia and Alzheimer’s. The first sign? Instead of laughing hysterically at the idea of Perez Hilton being famous, she actually answered his question as though it had anything to do with a beauty pageant. Just one listen to her inane ramblings immediately reminds me of my grandmother, God rest her soul, watching Murder, She Wrote while reminiscing about the Good Ol’ Days when she didn’t have to worry about voting because women couldn’t.

Kilmeade is using Prejean as a politically (and artificially) enhanced sacrificial lamb. Sure, she looks like a pure, blonde Swede or Finn, but something tells me the carpet doesn’t match the confused and rambling drapes.

I would go on, but seeing as I’m a Spanish/Welsh/Italian combo platter my mixed-up interspecies DNA fits together about as seamlessly as Legos and BRIO train track pieces, so I haven’t the faintest idea what my point was.

Potent Facts:

Categories: Potent Quotables

Potent Quotable – Dire Warnings from Joe the Plumber

July 2, 2009

Watch as I attempt to squeeze even more truth into some of the truest words of wisdom ever uttered. A challenge indeed. Send your Potent Quotes to amendmeant@gmail.com.

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Potent Quote:

Like Jesus, Joe has also been spotted on toast (seriously, check eBay)

Like Jesus, Joe has also been spotted on toast* (seriously, click image for proof)

“Let me give you another extremist view, In God We Trust. Say that too loud in some parts of America and you will be shot. It’s terrible.”

- and -

“Why hasn’t he [Senator Chris Dodd] been strung up?”

- Joe the Plumber, respectively decrying and endorsing murder

Potent Analysis:

It’s easy to miss the context by focusing on the seemingly contradictory and hypocritical aspects of Joe the Plumber’s statements. On the one hand, Joe appears to be against homicidal religious intolerance, while on the other, he seems to embrace at least 2 of those words quite strongly.

Joe’s unanswered contradictions are not unlike a similar situation found in the Bible. In Matthew, Jesus doesn’t wait for the Pharisees to question him, but instead points out two Old Testament passages that appear to be contradictory. The Pharisees agree that the competing scriptures are troublesome, and wait to hear Jesus’ explanation.

So what was Jesus’ answer to the conundrum?

Nothing.

He doesn’t give one. Deep.

And if there’s anyone that’s earned the same level of careful oratorical examination it’s Joe. Let’s plumb shoulder deep into Joe’s words and pull out the soap-scummed hairball of truth that’s clogging your understanding. Stay with me here, this gets tricky:

a) Statistics show that almost no one in America has been shot for saying In God We Trust.

b) Senator Chris Dodd (D – Conn.) is mired in a complex situation regarding his role in executive bonus protections in the stimulus bill, which prompted Joe’s comments that he should be hanged.

c) Statistics also show that people are shot constantly over money.

d) American currency contains the phrase In God We Trust.

Put all those facts together and here’s what you get:

Only a moron would say that saying In God We Trust will get you shot in America, and since Joe the Plumber is obviously not a moron, he must have been referring to violence related to money, which of course contains the words In God We Trust. Since Senator Dodd is embroiled in a money related battle, Joe is subtly connecting the ridiculousness of killing over saying “In God We Trust” (aka money) too loudly with the a warning to Senator Dodd that he might be killed by extremist wackos.

“Why hasn’t he been strung up?” Joe asks. Afterall, if you say In God We Trust “too loud in some parts of America… you will be shot. It’s terrible.” Consider it a Jesus-style indirect warning from your not-so-average Joe.

Potent Facts:

- Jesus is considered to be the Son of God by about 1 billion people worldwide.

- Joe the Plumber is a plumber. Jesus was a carpenter.

- Joe the Plumber does not have a plumbing license. Jesus did not have a carpenter license.

* Rejected picture caption: Joe warns that Dodd may be toast

Categories: Potent Quotables

Potent Quotable – Shedding Light on the Illuminati (Part 2)

June 18, 2009

Watch as I attempt to squeeze even more truth into some of the truest words of wisdom ever uttered. A challenge indeed. Send your Potent Quotes to amendmeant@gmail.com.

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Potent Quote:

Wile E Coyote realizing the truth

Wile E Coyote realizing the truth

“Nothing is truth until you realize it.”

- From Farhan’s YouTube video Illuminati Symbolism in Movies

Potent Analysis:

This quote works on so many levels: I believe it’s true, which simultaneously makes it true and proves its own point. For myself, personally, this is a prophecy that is very fulfilling.

The quote also explains how Wile E. Coyote is able to run off a cliff and float in the air until he looks down. Nothing – not even physics – is true until you realize it.

The valuable lesson this teaches us is to keep your eye on the prize. If you “look down” you may be distracted by neo-liberal science and logic, sending you spiraling into the solid ground below. You don’t want your beliefs to be grounded do you?

Potent Fact:

The creators of the Coyote-Road Runner series created a set of rules that they always remained cognizant of. Here are just a couple:

RULE #2: No outside force can harm the Coyote – only his own ineptitude or the failure of ACME products.

RULE #3: The Coyote could stop anytime – if he were not a fanatic. “A fanatic is one who redoubles his effort when he has forgotten his aim” – Georgo Santayana.

Categories: Potent Quotables

Potent Quotables – Craig T Nelson on Capitalism

June 9, 2009

Watch as I attempt to squeeze even more truth into some of the truest words of wisdom ever uttered. A challenge indeed. Send your Potent Quotes to amendmeant@gmail.com.

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Potent Quote:

“We are a capitalistic society. OK, I go into business, I don’t make it, I go bankrupt. They’re not going to bail me out. I’ve been on food stamps and welfare. Anybody help me out? No. No.”
- Craig T. Nelson, former star of Coach and creator of Craigslist.com (I think)

Not even Action Jackson can contain CTN's righteous fury.

Not even Action Jackson can contain CTN's righteous fury.

Potent Analysis:

Craig T. Nelson (or CTN for short) views America with a clarity rarely seen in pre-hi-def viewings of forgettable early 90s sitcoms. The government didn’t bail him out after Coach – they let his career fizzle in the free market just like every other mediocre has-been actor. When CTN needed welfare, did Martin Van Buren (or whoever was President at the time) fill out the paperwork? Did Van Buren carry CTN’s food stamp-purchased groceries for him? Or was he too busy combing his epic chops (Epic chops whose upkeep was paid for by the very government that CTN got no help from)?

In the words of CTN: “No. No.”

And to the third question, Yes.

Potent Fact:

- In one of his more recent roles, Nelson voices Mr. Incredible from the film The Incredibles. This role, together with his fiery appearance on the Glenn Beck show (from which this quote spawned), further cements his status as a master of animated fiction.

Categories: Potent Quotables

Potent Quotables – James Harrison on Flip-Flopping

May 28, 2009

Watch as I attempt to squeeze even more truth into some of the truest words of wisdom ever uttered. A challenge indeed. Send your Potent Quotes to amendmeant@gmail.com.

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Potent Quote:

James Harrison seen huffing unfiltered Truth during the Super Bowl.

James Harrison seen huffing unfiltered Truth during the Super Bowl.

“This is how I feel — if you want to see the Pittsburgh Steelers, invite us when we don’t win the Super Bowl. As far as I’m concerned, he [Obama] would’ve invited Arizona if they had won.”
- James Harrison, linebacker for the Super Bowl winning Pittsburgh Steelers

Potent Analysis:

Harrison’s statement – besides displaying a deltoid-firm grasp of logic – utilizes a simple, real-world metaphor to expose President Obama’s flip-flopping nature. Obama undoubtedly would’ve abandoned Harrison and his fellow Steelers had they not won the Super Bowl, just as Harrison ignored my interview requests once he found out I was not a reporter for ESPN.

Potent Facts:

Number of former Presidents with the first name…
Barack – 0
James – 6

Number of former Presidents with the last name…
Obama – 0
Harrison – 2

Categories: Potent Quotables